"Hit Me With Your Best Shot" is the twenty-second mission of Season 5.
Escaping from Abel while maintaining everyone's cover is no easy task.
Cast[]
- Maxine Myers
- Sam Yao
- Veronica McShell
- Paula Cohen
- Peter
- Janine De Luca
- Nadia Al Hanaki
- Cameo Wood
- Steve Sissay
- Amelia Spens
- Ian Golightly
- Sigrid Hakkinen
Plot[]
Pick Up Those Stones[]
Now you're not a zombie you'll need to escape. You can't head for the fence without blowing Veronica's cover, so you'll have to stage a zombie horde breakout.
Look A Bit Like A Zombie[]
The plan involves collapsing the guards' viewing platform over the testing grounds. It's not ideal but it's the only plan there is, so you'll have to risk their lives.
Time For A Detour[]
The soldiers fight off the zombies while you grab the hidden Netrophil note. Before picking up a bomb for the escape plan, Sam suggests a small detour to rescue Cameo from prison.
Waiting At The Labs[]
Despite your authentic-looking (and smelling) zombie disguise, Cameo is pleased to see you. You release her and head to the labs.
Use That Chute[]
As you're about to set up the bomb Amelia arrives in the comms room, casually suggesting the smuggler's chute she installed in the farmhouse study as a means of escape.
Safely Down![]
In the study Cameo and Steve decide not to come with you. Instead Steve plants a listening device in Ian's beloved Viscount biscuits and Cameo repurposes the bomb for a spot of iconoclasm.
Run On Home[]
Sam suggests tuning into the bug in Ian's biscuits. Sigrid is very unhappy with how he's been running things while she's been away, and will be sending 300 elite soldiers to Abel to improve security.
S05E22 // Rofflenet[]
Discussion regarding this mission can be found on Rofflenet
Transcript []
MAXINE MYERS: Okay, so, Runner Five isn’t a zombie, and isn’t about to turn?
SAM YAO: Definitely not.
MAXINE MYERS: We’re going to get you out of there, Five!
VERONICA MCSHELL: Doctor Myers, it’s nice to hear your voice. I’d love to discuss some of my research with you, if you’ve got time.
MAXINE MYERS: I don’t think this is the moment, Veronica. But it’s good to hear you, too.
[mechanism activates]
SAM YAO: Uh, what happened just then?
MAXINE MYERS: One of the soldiers in the guard box leaned on the controls for that testing ground, and look! A row of trees came up in the distance.
SAM YAO: Okay, okay. As long as none of Sigrid’s soldiers have noticed Five’s not a zom, we’re okay.
PAULA COHEN: Okay for now. You can’t be a human among zombies for long without someone noticing. And by the way, Five, welcome to the Not A Zombie club. I’m so glad you’re all right. We’ve missed you.
PETER: That prisoner’s getting well and truly...eaten. She won’t be distracting the horde much longer.
JANINE DE LUCA: We need a plan.
SAM YAO: Um, can’t we stick to the original plan? You know, Five makes a break for the gap in the fence. Simple. Easy.
VERONICA MCSHELL: The Minister could review the tapes and see what happened.
JANINE DE LUCA: And then the Minister will look into what Miss McShell did.
VERONICA MCSHELL: I’m too valuable to risk. Sorry! I am, though.
NADIA AL HANAKI: Right, yeah. You probably have a spreadsheet about it. So we need another way out of there for Five.
JANINE DE LUCA: Ideas. Quickly, please.
PETER: Run for the break in the fence? The zombie horde will follow. If you stay just ahead of the horde, Five, it’d look like you’re part of it.
PAULA COHEN: Too dangerous. One false move, and Five gets eaten. And the soldiers will notice a whole horde moving, and start shooting, or block the gap in the fence.
SAM YAO: Hide. Yeah, uh, find a screen of trees, duck down, wait it out.
MAXINE MYERS: Ian’s going to come looking for the zombie Five. He’s going to take pleasure in it.
NADIA AL HANAKI: But that’s an advantage we have. Everyone thinks you’re a zombie, Five. Can we use that?
PAULA COHEN: Zombies can carry on doing the same things after death that they habitually did during life.
PETER: Runner Five… runs?
SAM YAO: Runner Five...picks stuff up?
VERONICA MCSHELL: There’s an emergency release for the guards’ viewing platform underneath the rocks at the south end of the enclosure, Five. You could pick those rocks up and then disappear from view and pull the release.
PETER: And then what?
SAM YAO: And then it looks like a horde’s got loose. They do emergency procedures. Abel goes into lockdown.
JANINE DE LUCA: And then we improvise. Runner Five, pick up those stones. Quickly.
VERONICA MCSHELL: All right. You can slip under the guards’ viewing platform now, Five.
NADIA AL HANAKI: Wait. Are some of Sigrid’s Wakened Land soldiers on that viewing platform?
VERONICA MCSHELL: Yes.
NADIA AL HANAKI: What’s going to happen to them?
VERONICA MCSHELL: When the platform collapses, it’ll concertina backwards. The entire back end of the testing area will fall out into the recreation grounds of Abel Township. If they react quickly, they’ll be able to run away from the zombies.
NADIA AL HANAKI: And if they’re loyal to Sigrid and try to stay?
VERONICA MCSHELL: They’ll probably get eaten. They might have got eaten anyway, or shot, or tortured! Ian’s not very nice to the soldiers.
JANINE DE LUCA: We will risk the lives of those soldiers, but the fallback fences will hold until the people of Abel can reach the shelters. This is the only plan we have. Five, pull that lever.
[mechanism activates, soldiers scream, platform collapses]
SAM YAO: Right! Well, that noise has drawn the zombies’ attention. Yes, uh, some of them are starting to leave the testing ground. Time to run, Five! And uh, try to look a bit like a zombie while you’re doing it.
SAM YAO: All right. Okay, okay. Five, you’re safe for now in that latrine. I’m into the Abel cams, so I’m following you for now.
JANINE DE LUCA: The Minister’s security will boot you off the system eventually.
SAM YAO: Yeah, but we should have enough time to get Five out. Five, you’ve got the note from behind the cistern, right? Yeah, good. We can look at it later. Janine, what’s the plan?
JANINE DE LUCA: I’ve gone over the Abel Township schematics Mister Sissay purloined for us. I think your best way out is in the partial blind spot to the west, Five. A small explosive charge there should allow you to escape through the fence.
SAM YAO: But won’t an explosion draw a lot of attention in that direction? And zombies? And bullets?
JANINE DE LUCA: It’s the best we’ve got. Miss Al Hanaki and Mister Sissay are jerry-rigging a bomb for you now, Five. Head towards the laboratories to pick it up.
SAM YAO: Well, um…
JANINE DE LUCA: Yes?
SAM YAO: If Five’s getting out… Five, Cameo’s in one of those solitary cells. Sigrid’s forces are locking Abel down. You’ve got time for a detour, if you go now, and quickly. Run!
[door busts down]
CAMEO WOOD: Runner Five! Five, you look terrible! I mean, genuinely, I’ve seen corpses that look better than you. Ugh, and the smell! Honestly, I wouldn’t say this lightly, but you smell like a zombie.
SAM YAO: Veronica does excellent work.
JANINE DE LUCA: We’ve no time to explain, Runner Five. Grab her and get out of there. Miss Al Hanaki is waiting for you at the labs.
NADIA AL HANAKI: All right, Five. I have the bomb here for you. Steve?
STEVE SISSAY: Yeah, I put it together using some fertilizer Owen had been keeping back in case we needed it for blowing up stuff.
NADIA AL HANAKI: It seems fitting, really. Like Owen’s hitting Ian in the face from beyond the grave.
JANINE DE LUCA: Good. Five and Thirteen will set the bomb, and then escape in the confusion through the hole it leaves in the fence.
[door opens]
AMELIA SPENS: [eating something] Oh. You’re doing something in here, are you? You didn’t put the busy sign on the door.
JANINE DE LUCA: I’m in the middle of an operation here, Miss Spens.
AMELIA SPENS: I wanted to make a call. My delivery of bath oil is late. [sighs] When do you think you’ll be finished with whatever it is you’re doing?
JANINE DE LUCA: I’m trying to rescue Runner Five from Abel Township here, Miss Spens. I think your bath oil can wait!
SAM YAO: Okay, Cameo, if Five sets the explosive on the perimeter fence… oh no, crap. Crap! The horde’s in the way.
JANINE DE LUCA: Damn. We need a new route to the fence.
AMELIA SPENS: Why are you blowing the fence up?
JANINE DE LUCA: As I explained, I’m trying to rescue Runner Five from almost certain death -
AMELIA SPENS: Yeah, sure, I get that, but what I mean is, why don’t you use the smuggler’s chute?
SAM YAO: The what?
AMELIA SPENS: Smuggler’s chute! Janine! I had it put in when I ran Abel. You don’t mean you never found it..?
JANINE DE LUCA: I don’t know what you mean.
AMELIA SPENS: Ooh. Because I just thought, because you said - you know, you’d like to say - how you scoured every bit of Abel Township after I was deposed as leader, I thought you knew it like the back of your hand.
SAM YAO: Whatever it is, Amelia, just tell us.
AMELIA SPENS: Oh, sure. I will, I will. I can do hero. I’ll tell you just as soon as Janine admits she didn’t find it. Just so I know I need to tell you.
JANINE DE LUCA: Fine! I didn’t find it.
AMELIA SPENS: Oh dear. It is very well hidden.
SAM YAO: Where is it?
AMELIA SPENS: You know, I find it hard to think when I’m poorly moisturized. Don’t you find that, Janine? Oh. Well, looking at you, I suppose you wouldn’t know.
JANINE DE LUCA: Miss Spens, if you don’t tell us what you know, I will… I will - !
AMELIA SPENS: Oh, threats. Go on.
JANINE DE LUCA: If you tell us what you know, I’ll owe you a favor.
AMELIA SPENS: Oh, well then. There’s a smuggler’s chute.
SAM YAO: Yeah, we got that. Uh, where is it?
JANINE DE LUCA: Is it in the coal storehouses? I knew I should have removed all the coal myself to check!
AMELIA SPENS: Oh. No. It’s...under your chair, Janine. In your study. In the farmhouse. You just need to lever up the three floorboards with the notches by the wainscoting. It leads straight down into a passageway that connects to the sewers. Beautiful thing. You mean you really never found it?
SAM YAO: Five, everyone, Sigrid and Ian are in their panic room right now. The farmhouse is empty for the first time in months. If you’re going to use that chute, you have to do it now. Go. Right now. Go!
STEVE SISSAY: My lord. There it really is.
CAMEO WOOD: Amelia’s smuggler’s chute. That’s put some images into my mind I’m not that keen on.
STEVE SISSAY: Looks pretty sturdy, Five. Amelia said there’s a pile of sacks at the bottom to break your fall.
CAMEO WOOD: Pity it’s so vertical and slippery, or we’d be able to mount an invasion this way. Still, it’ll be nice to know I have a way out if I ever want one.
STEVE SISSAY: You’re not leaving?
CAMEO WOOD: I can’t leave Kytan, not at Ian’s tender mercies. And Nadia’s staying because Veronica is here. What about you, Steve? Not tempted to leave?
STEVE SISSAY: Well, I… I think I’m still of use here. And there’s Kefilwe.
CAMEO WOOD: [laughs] Yeah, because you’re "just friends", and you’re definitely going to be able to stay that way forever.
STEVE SISSAY: I...don’t see why not.
CAMEO WOOD: Not just a river in Egypt, my friend. Have you still got that bomb? I thought I might blow up that statue Ian erected of himself by the fence. I always liked Owen. He was just… he was a good bloke. And if a few zoms escape that way, it’ll be better for Five.
STEVE SISSAY: Ian will know it was you.
CAMEO WOOD: In for a penny. You know, this is the first time I’ve been in this control room without hordes of guards around. Anything you want to nick, Steve?
STEVE SISSAY: I did have one idea. Look at that – enormous case of Viscount biscuits. How long do you think it’ll take Ian to get through them?
CAMEO WOOD: Even at his rate of consumption, three months.
STEVE SISSAY: Perfect spot to place a transmitter back to Noah Base, then. Won’t hold forever, will give Colonel De Luca more of a handle on what’s happening here.
CAMEO WOOD: Clever! I wish I could find a way to tap into the internal security cams. Look at that monitor flicking through them. Huh. Look at that. Is that the basement of the farmhouse?
STEVE SISSAY: Looks like it.
CAMEO WOOD: And does it look to you like it’s...wired to explode?
STEVE SISSAY: With...a lot of zombies in cages taped up to the explosives, yeah.
CAMEO WOOD: So Ian’s made a zombie dirty bomb? In the basement of Abel?!
SAM YAO: Bloody hell. Much as this seems like something that needs sorting, Five, it’s time for you to go.
STEVE SISSAY: We’ll close up the chute behind you. Five, down you go. Quickly.
CAMEO WOOD: And good luck!
SAM YAO: Okay, safely down. Now, run!
SAM YAO: Wow. Five, Amelia wasn’t wrong. That smuggler’s chute really is amazing! Look, Janine! It’s so well-built and strong and useful, and…
JANINE DE LUCA: I can see that.
SAM YAO: Well, you know, it’s not really up to much, is it? [laughs] It’s not that big. It’s barely a crawl space, really. ...That you can run in.
JANINE DE LUCA: Miss Spens has always been...resourceful.
SAM YAO: You’re never going to forgive yourself for not finding it, are you?
JANINE DE LUCA: What? Oh. No, never.
SAM YAO: You’re going to keep bringing it up, aren’t you?
JANINE DE LUCA: Possibly.
SAM YAO: Well, to distract you from months of self-loathing, how about we tune in to that bug that Steve planted in the crate of Viscount biscuits, eh? They’re fine, Viscounts. I mean, they’re no Curly Wurlies. I don’t see why you’d get so excited about them, really.
IAN GOLIGHTLY: Yes, Minister. A lone troublemaker, Cameo Wood, blew up the statue of me by the fence.
SIGRID HAKKINEN: Did she really? Well, well.
IAN GOLIGHTLY: It’s a hanging offense, isn’t it, Minister?
SIGRID HAKKINEN: Veronica, what do you make of Cameo?
VERONICA MCSHELL: Oh, I um… she was trying to help, Minister. Zombies were attacking my laboratory, and Cameo was trying to distract them with a small explosion which went awry.
SIGRID HAKKINEN: That’s all in order then, Ian.
IAN GOLIGHTLY: But Minister, my statue - !
SIGRID HAKKINEN: Ian Golightly! I left you in charge of Abel Township for just a few months, in which time your guards allowed a traitor to infiltrate and destroy months of hard work on my part, and you petulantly executed an agricultural specialist who was worth far more to me than you are. Instead of whining about your statue, perhaps you should consider your failings for a moment.
IAN GOLIGHTLY: Yes, Minister. Sorry, Minister.
SIGRID HAKKINEN: For now on, Veronica will be in charge of her own laboratory and staff. And her own security needs. I don’t think we can trust you with that, Ian. Veronica, my dear, I will be sending you three hundred of my elite soldiers to guard Abel Township day and night. Your work is too valuable to disrupt. We will make sure no one can get in or out of this base without my say-so.
VERONICA MCSHELL: Oh uh, thank you, Minister.
SAM YAO: Three hundred elite soldiers. That’s… [sighs] almost enough to defeat the Persians.
JANINE DE LUCA: Well, we’ll need allies now more than ever. This might call for extreme measures.
SAM YAO: Oh, good. Extreme measures. Those are never my favorite. Hey, can we just take a minute, though? We’ve got you out safe, Five! You’re not a zombie, which is bloody good news! Janine might eventually stop blaming herself for not knowing about that smuggler’s chute. No, actually. No, she won’t. Anyway, come on. Come on home, Five. We’ve got so much to show you. And we’ve… well, we’ve really missed you.
Codex[]
Supplies[]
The following supplies can be found in this mission.
(List may be incomplete.)
9mm Ammo
Bandages
Batteries
Bottled Water
Cricket bat
Makeup
Mobile Phone
Paint
Playing cards
Power Cable
Rope
Sleeping bag
Tampons
Tinned Food
Toothbrush
Toy car
Umbrella
Underwear
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